i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
