Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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