a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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