she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
