Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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