very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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