i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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