Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize