haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
