I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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