the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
