Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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