Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
