I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
