at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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