finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
