if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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