I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
