i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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