how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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