I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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