OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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