first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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