Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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