She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
