Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
