why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Mom said you looked used
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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