As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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