Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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