rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
