smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love having hate sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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