Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
