I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
