and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
