I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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