Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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