I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
soo... how was my night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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