I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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