Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
