Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
