ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
