He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
