margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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