i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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