i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
