My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
