In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
