Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize