Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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