Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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