what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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