just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Four minutes until I can fart!
this just has baby written all over it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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