I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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