she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
