hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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