only you would photoshop your dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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