I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
