thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
