I heard we made out
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
