Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
