the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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