An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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