using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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