The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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